DAY 13
Sunday, August 23, 1998

Home, Seattle
1:50 AM
Jesse P. Howard / Writer/ Director / Dropper of Radios

Well, we only broke a toilet, stripped some paint off the wall, lost a set of venitian blinds (later found), forgot to rehang a curtain, and kept a young girl up until the wee hours of the morning. Other than that, the weekend at the Hechter / Friedman home was a smashing success.

I was blown away by the crew. Each of these individuals, seeing fit to spend their weekend cooped up in a house hanging plastic over windows to make day into night, cleaning up the corn flakes (blame Samantha) and milk and ripped books, broken radio, popcorn, smashed plates, pretzels, etc. which I saw fit to instruct my actors to spread around.

My dad was on the set. He flew out from Connecticut to see us on the set for a few days. I think he was proud and I live for that.

The kids held up amazingly. They were there late for night shooting on scenes that needed actual night in the background. They held up well. Notably, Eliana and Alice (Bitta and Abbey) had an amazing scene in the upstairs hall that had tears in all of our eyes.

I must commend the parents. They are putting up with the mother load. I know they will be glad when it is over. They are somehow allowing me this expensive, bizarre, off the deep end playground in which to play with their children with big toys. We are working too hard, staying up too late, eating too quickly and not soon enough, and waiting A LOT! But, you know, there is magic in the footage. Mark my words: It is fresh, original, and very professional. We have a winner on our hands. (Not to be confused with a whiner.)

These are the things I am grateful for. To simply be there among these fine people and to know that in my imperfection, I can take them to THE LAST the end-ville. This is a gift for which I am truly fortunate. For better or worse, we're making a movie and it is the thought of these dedicated days that will drive me into that one more office of that one more distribution guy so that the world can see what a bunch of children with a bunch of childish adults can do when they play the right way with a bunch of the right expensive toys.

SOUND! sound speed "scene 31 take B-2" (Pause for sound roll... a few more seconds... and...) CAMERA! rollin' (SMACK!) "slate out" (Ian settles) and... ACTION! That's why we are where we are. We could have been sitting at home on the couch watching movies. But we chose to take ACTION! Keep it up y'all. I am proud and pleased and you are all teaching me how to be a better director. Week three begins. I wonder what it will be like? Thank god for the documentarians. I have no perspective on the whole thing. I just know that every time something significant happens, there they are with that little plastic box called a video camera. I can't wait until they are worshipped later when everyone wants to see the video footage. They ought to charge admission.

-Jesse

Cornish College of the Arts, Seattle
2:19 PM
Paul Westfall, Audio Designer Last night we stayed up until 1a.m. We did 18 set-ups and filmed the trashing of the house of a good friend of the film. I Love this business.

My mind and my life are getting split into two distinct entities. The film exists as this seperate world where I live to create and live in the process of that creation. Then there is the outside world that I visit occasionally. There's a whole different feeling out here, and it requires a different set of eyes, ears, vocabulary, demeanor. It's taken me a few hours to get back into the rhythms of the "outside" world.

The first time I was in my car alone after shooting was a strange experience indeed. I started my car and suddenly heard many new squeaks, rattles and vibrations. I had a few paniky moments where I though my car was simply falling apart from neglect before I realized that these sounds had always been present, but having my ears connected directly to a super-sensative shotgun mic all day listenting intently for any buzz, vibration or other intrusive sound had boosted my sensitivity several notches. I was literally hearing the world through a new set of ears.

I heard Jesse Moore exclaim something similar yesterday while looking in the eypeice of the eclair: apparently it flips the image in weird ways that your brain learns to comensate for eventually. For Jesse, that moment of re-alignment came all at once- suddenly the upsidedown image flipped before his eyes, and he could look at it as if it were normal. Just another example of how this film is changing us- not just our attitudes, but our minds, and even our bodies- in ways both subtle and profound. It is no wonder that my ego fought me so heavily in pre-production. Somewhere in my subconcious, I knew that going through this process would change me deeply- that never again would I be the same me- for that person would be dead, and replaced by the me I am now becomming. I hope that next time I may be better at letting go of my fears. Doubtless I will be bolstered by my experience- never again will I be a first time filmmaker. But what other challenges will there be? Each new creative project will change me somehow. I hope that my ego will learn from this exerience. I shall not fear art. I shall open the inner vison and allow the creative process to cut through me and remove my fears as it reveals my heart.

-Paul

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